The 08/15/16 edition of WWE Raw reviewed in about 4 minutes – including Roman Reigns dominating the show once again, SummerSlam approaching, Seth Rollins goes on a Demon hunt and Brock Lesnar attacks Heath Slater…
SETH ROLLINS: DEMON HUNTER
WWE Raw opened with Seth Rollins outside the arena talking about how he’s going to find the Demon King, looking everywhere but the camera, which made me just want to grab him and yell: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?!
Later in the episode, Rollins called the Demon King to the ring with a typically brief promo. That was sarcasm. But he didn’t get the Demon. He got a fan that jumped the barricade, which was a great cue for Finn Balor to debut his full demon make-up on the main roster.
I’m not a fan of giving away the Demon’s first appearance like this on the second hour of WWE Raw. This should’ve been saved for a huge Summerslam reveal. If you have to debut the Demon to sell tickets or t-shirts or whatever, then at least make it end the show.
WHO’S YOUR LESNAR?
Paul Heyman was ready to say a variation on the things he always says with Brock Lesnar – Brock’s a beast, he likes to suplex people, Eat, Sleep, Copy/Paste, Repeat – but instead the WWE’s hottest free agent Heath Slater boldly interrupted them. Slater said if he beats Lesnar right now, he’ll get a Rawcontract. And he needs that Raw contract, because he’s got to put food on the table for his kids. To which The Beast said:
“I don’t give a s*** about your kids”
…and then suplexed him to death. Move aside, Titus O’Neil – we’ve got a new father of the year.
SAMI ZAYN BEAT SHEAMUS
Sami Zayn is a man without a direction right now, whereas Sheamus is a man with too much of a direction. Mick Foley announced that a Best of Seven series between Sheamus and Cesaro will begin at Summerslam. And they’ve already fought twice in the past few weeks. It’s like a Dolph Ziggler/Baron Corbin feud.
NIA JAX BEAT RACHEL
It’s time to walk a little bit, pause, look from side to side, walk a little bit more, do the fist thing, and then repeat all that until you reach the ring. Nia Jax squashed yet another local competitor.
BIG CASS BEAT KEVIN OWENS
Kevin Owens took on Big Cass ahead of their tag team match Summerslam this Sunday. Owens made Cass look enormous – even though that’s Tom Phillips’ job – but him and Jericho beat down Enzo and Cass after the DQ.
SHOOTING STARS BEAT PRIME TIME PLAYAS
Despite being very angry at each other last week, Titus O’Neil and Darren Young brought back their Prime Time Playas tag team…for like three minutes. Young accidentally hit Titus in the match, so O’Neil laid him out and walked off.
NEVILLE BEAT JINDER MAHAL
It’s finally here – Jinder Mahal’s big WWE Raw redebut! They’ve obviously got big plans for this guy!
…I’m kidding, they don’t have any plans for him. He was just a warm body for Neville to beat until the Cruiserweight division starts up.
GALANDERSON/NEW DAY FEUD
New Day and Galanderson both interfered in each other’s matches to build to their Summerslambout, with Kofi and Woods getting the better of Anderson in the end. Gallows pulled him out just before Xavier’s trombone came down hard onto Karl’s groin…which sounds more homoerotic than wrestling usually does.
Interestingly, in the New Day tag match, Bubba Ray looked really angry with D-Von again after they lost.
Bully Ray is coming…which also sounds more homoerotic than wrestling usually does.
CHARLOTTE BEAT ALICIA FOX
Before Charlotte beat Alicia Fox, she broke up with Dana Boobs backstage. I’m gonna miss them. I mean ‘her’…I’m gonna miss ‘her’. But it was all a rouse – Dana attacked Sasha after the match and Charlotte worked on her leg ahead of their Summerslam title encounter. And now, the main event…
To see what Oli thought of the Roman Reigns vs Rusev main event for ‘Lana’s honour’, and this episode of WWE Raw as a whole, watch the video above!
