Too Picky / Where the Money Is

john cenaI tend toward paralysis by analysis when it comes to fake wrestling. If you enjoy something, you enjoy something.

I enjoyed the Rusev-Cena “I Quit” match, but…

*Nobody said “I Quit.” That’s the stipulation, for someone to endure that humiliation. It wasn’t fulfilled. Rusev speaks English. If Rusev were in egregious pain from John Cena’s sloppy, cable-aided STF – and it’s not difficult to believe he wasn’t – he would have found the appropriate words in the appropriate language. Those words should have been “I Quit.” No substitute.

*There’s no point to Lana quitting on Rusev’s behalf. Lana wound up being made the match’s central figure. The finish was meant to keep pushing her toward babyface. Lana is something special. But babyface valets and managers have little impact. That’s been proven time and again. If she learns to work, she’s just another diva. Perhaps she’s only something special as Rusev’s heel valet. Or as a babyface valet under the thumb of heel Rusev, like Elizabeth with Randy Savage.

*Referee Mike Chioda should not have controlled the mic. The “I Quit” match between Ric Flair and Terry Funk in ‘89 provided a blueprint. Flair and Funk controlled the mic, and thus controlled the emotion. Chioda turned it into a game show. How could the match’s agent have screwed that up?

*Rusev getting “blown up” with pyro was silly. There was no evidence of damage. It’s one thing when your eye doesn’t swell up after a punch. It’s another thing when you’re in an explosion, but there’s no visible sign of harm. That’s just too much disbelief to suspend. And how did Rusev continue after that?

The participants were excellent. Both showed raw emotion and intensity. Rusev can be overwrought without appearing silly. But the devil is in the details.

I just hate when logic lacks. Consider the four-way: Seth Rollins, the heel world champion, was in a match against three babyfaces. Kane teased going babyface. The heel world champ is supposed to manipulate the odds, not battle them. (Nobody takes J&J Security seriously.) If Rollins wasn’t such an excellent heel, the match’s structure would have turned him good.

Of course, I’m just bitter because I can’t get a job with WWE.

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