Rankings (That don’t really matter)
1.) The Uuuuuuuuullllltimate Warrior, Back from Beyond- I just hope all of this ends up with an Impact Wrestling Warrior vs Hogan main event.
2.) Smackdown, The Original Blue Brand- Don’t look now, but it’s quietly becoming a must see program. Orton/ Christian, Cody Rhodes, Jinder Mahal, AJ and Kaitlyn as BFF’s, and solid TV matches with actual, real wrestling. For the first time in awhile, you can’t watch Smackdown on your DVR with the fast forward button jammed down.
3.) Mick Foley, Former Network exec- If the rumors are true then Mick’s asked for, and received, his freedom from trying to prove wrestling matters. And don’t worry about any Mick Foley as the Raw GM rumors… just not true. I can reveal the truth now: Your anonymous Raw GM is… Dude Love.
4.) The Great Muta, Green Mist Legend- Thanks to an awkward yet slightly entertaining TNA “Gimmicks Matter” segment, a whole generation of wrestling fans are rushing to Wikipedia to find out who The Great Muta is.
5.) “Silent Rage” Andy Leavine, He’s Tough Enough- The competition was Luke’s to loose, Martin’s to steal, but, in the end, Andy’s to win. Congratulations, Andy. Fine choice. We’ll see you in six months when Nexus Three forms.
The “Unsolicited TNA advice” of the week:
Create your own contest reality show.
On the heels of the rather well-received return of WWE’s Tough Enough, perhaps the evil minds behind TNA can have their own weekly contest-based reality show. We’ll call it Old Enough.
Are you… broken? Slow? Bankrupt? Delusional? Are you Old Enough to be TNA’s latest Impact-ful Wrestling Champion?
Brought to you by Bischoff-Hervey Entertainment.
Hulk Hogan is ineligible to compete in the contest.
A New Place in History for…
“Mean” Gene Okerlund’s genes.
Wrestling fans are often amazed at how “Mean” Gene Okerlund always looked old. He’s sixty-eight now, but go back to WrestleMania I and tell me you couldn’t have been convinced then that Hogan’s favorite interviewer wasn’t a “young” 68. It is time to recognize Gene Okerlund genes as an important part of pro wrestling, because this business would not be complete without his crisp voice, trimmed mustache, and wispy comb over.
Fast Count…
The way I see it… this Christian heel turn was planned long before we all started crying about him losing the title and it is a well-crafted story: second fiddle hero gets to touch his dream, but has it yanked away. Now he’s going to pull out all the stops to get it back, including turning his back on the fans, in a Michael Douglas in Falling Down “Wait, I’m the bad guy?” moment. Give him the title and let Randy Orton chase him. The simple rule is that Babyface’s are always more interesting when they’re chasing the title. Christian wins, Orton chases… and you get to add depth to two top characters.
I would totally love it if… Scott Steiner stopped appearing on a TV screen. He’s scaring the women and children. The men, too. He looks like a walking, photo shopped, print ad for some miracle muscle growing cream only sold south of the border or on the back page of a 1988 comic book. Has he not read the wrestling obituaries for, I don’t know, that last twenty years?!?!?
I gotta think… my DVR is trying to tell me something. It stopped recording Impact Wrestling after about forty minutes. I read you loud and clear, technology.
I must confess… that I continue to be intrigued by Jinder Mahal. He’s got the size and presence combined with an interesting debut storyline to be a success. Time will always tell and the downside is that he seems to be cut from the same Sheamus, Albert Del Rio, and Wade Barrett modern era heel mold, so he might get lost in the shuffle. However, there is potential and where there is potential, channel changers stop to watch.
Come on, admit it… you were afraid for the eventual Tough Enough winner Andy’s life when he seemingly pissed off Vince McMahon by saying, “Guaran-damn-tee.”
Seriously… did Johnny Curtis just dump a jug of milk on his head on Smackdown and essentially get ignored by the announcers outside of a Josh Matthews comment?
Sure… he lost quite easily, but Zack Ryder’s Monday Night Raw match should make for some great You Tube fodder… you know it!
Quick… who else would love to see Bill DeMott get a tag title run with one of his Tough Enough students? Nothing short of an award winning performance by DeMott from the very start of this Tough Enough reboot.
Ken Napzok is a writer, comedian, and pro wrestling manager living in Los Angeles. He keeps kayfabe with children under the age of ten. He can be followed online at twitter.com/Kozpan and twitter.com/TexTunney or contacted at wzkennapzok@gmail.com.
